You just write a blog until someone reads it; that is the secret. You write until the tips of your fingers have calluses. I’ve purchased the domain for this blog exactly on:

2022-11-04 16:43:02

You should have goals, yo

When you start a blog, absolutely nobody will give a flying duck about your blog. 0 people. Your parents, best friends, acquaintances, people from work nobody.

That is where I am now. 0 readers. It doesn’t matter I drafted 300 pages in 2 months. That brings me to the second rule of blogging:

Keep your readers engaged with visual stuff. I use creatively, because I’m a rascal, which is why I can predict where your eyes or fingers go next. Oh yeah, touch the dongle.

I’m trying my best to guide your gaze.

Ira Glass took 15 years to become a widely respected host of a This American Life; show broadcased to more than 1.7 million listeners across 500 different radio stations worldwide.

How many of you clicked on that link? Nobody. What if I told you, that Ira Glass summarized the secret to creativity in 2 minutes? While at it, he also reiterated the first rule of blogging:

Hard work

I was not lying about those calluses on my fingers, I have them. This might be my first blog post, but I drafted and published 300 pages of various bad content:

SEO

You might think to yourself: “Wait, you actually published all your garbage all at once? Even the drafts? Are you retarded?” No, I just do not get easily distracted. You do? That is how you skipped a pretty spicy word in a paragraph you are reading right now.

That is how you do SEO. You write a lot of stuff. Then you link that stuff together in WordPress.

Write some more, take pictures, and videos. Publish said pictures, get sponsors, write some more, get viral, write a book, get addicted to drugs, go to rehab, watch your dad die from ALS, get addicted again, get better, start working on your health and maybe then you will write something worth selling, because you always have to remember your ABC-s:

ABC, Always be closing

There is only one thing that matters, get them to sign on the dotted line. For me, that means getting subscribers. For now, this website only has good’ol trusty RSS.

[fluentform id=”3″]

Should I add more ways you can read my ramblings and musings? Please, let me know via email.

Thank you, and have a nice day.

Post mortem

This is how you write your first blog post. Go. Start writing. I believe in you. Do you need any help? Just ask. You don’t have to necessarily ask me.

Help me

Help you. Ask your mom, ask your dad, ask your sibling. If you want to start writing, give your first pieces to people you know have tremendous amounts of love for you — they will break your heart gently.

That is my story anyway. And this is another rule to blogging — keep your dang readers engaged. If you want them to read a longer story, give them something they give a scroll about.

This is how you write a blog post.

Use meaningful headings

Do not use forking headings as a big font. It needs to carry information. Big information = big font. There are other ways to highlight important information,

like spreading the information onto multiple paragraphs… oh yeah, spread it, baby, spread it!

Dick jokes

Like it or not, dick jokes sell out stadiums. If I want to be the best blogger on the planet, I have to use all the tools in my shed. Lucky for me, I am a pretty smart cookie.

If you want to read more about me, click on the 🥠, it will surely bring you much luck!

Offer something for free

Well, if you learn anything on this website, consider it my gift and a free contribution to the betterment of society. You are all most welcome. As a writer, I have to be

Arrogant

I work in retail for over 3 years, folks. I met the actual arrogant people. If you think I am arrogant for putting my 10 years of SEO experience on a blog post, you have another thing coming.

Threaten them with a good time

There will be some pretty wild science. There will be dick jokes. There will be plenty of fun. There will be sex and fantasy!
There will be really big questions… and even bigger lies.
Come and stay, please subscribe.

Next time on don.gl/over

Tomorrow, I will tell you how the f**k I ended up with such a dumb-sounding domain. I do not want to spoil much, but I can let you on a little secret:

A 2015 study published in the Journal of Memory and Language examined the humor of nonsense words. The study used a computer program to generate pronounceable nonsense words that followed typical English spelling conventions and tested them for their perceived comedic value to human test subjects.

The funniest nonsense words tended to be those that reminded people of real words that were considered rude or offensive. This category included four of the top-six nonsense words that were rated the funniest in the experiment: “whong”, “dongl“, “shart” (now slang, not a nonsense word and “focky”. To explain why these words seemed funny, the study’s author said “The expectation that you’ve read or uttered a rude word is raised – and then violated, because in fact it’s harmless nonsense. There’s a sense of relief – of getting away with it.”

You are still here, huh? Well, the last rule of blogging is the one I already follow to a letter — give them something to read.

The end.

That is yet another simple rule to blogging. Some people will just keep scrolling because they are addicted to good content. I do not blame you, guy.